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Rage [Nov. 29th, 2006] i fuckin hate everyone here. i just wanted to tell you in my own damn words that i fuckin hate you.. and i hope it hurts. maybe it will kill you inside, like each day does me or you'll feel all the suffering and finally see   im not fuckin happy here, i dont want to fuckin stay theres too much going on, i wont last another day if you even cared.. you would of sent me back home but you worry about money, and being alone  so when im lying on the road, bleeding dont take anything misleading.. its all your fault, you caused this im done putting up with all the shit. CMNT

disasterr [Nov. 28th, 2006] :( i hate the way they spit out their words they dont even realize each one hurts like a knife to the back, a silent attack or a bat to the face, left to feel like a disgrace maybe when the rain falls again everyone will understand what its like to be under pressure, like me no shooting star will save us now its like time has stopped somehow but if the rain falls you'll hear a voice call and you will understand in the distance you might hear all sounds have disappeared no voices in the air that used to be there maybe when the rain falls again everyone will understand what its like to be me under pressure, like me no shooting star will save us now its like time has stopped somehow but if the rain falls you'll hear a voice call and you will understand in the shadows there's a scream you almost wish it was justa dream no nightmares, not a fight not bloody red, but black and white but, maybe when the rain falls everyone will understand.. ---maybe, but no one understands they wont know what its like to be under pressure, like me shooting stars cant save me now time wont just stop somehow so, if the rain falls listen for the voice to call and try to understand... CMNT

selfcontrol [Nov. 20th, 2006] can anyone tell me what im talking about in this? because i have no idea, i was just rambling on. it confuses me. when the world takes you down dont let it spin you around or shove you flat on the ground no, you must control yourself get ahold of yourself you can do it, no one else even in your darkest hour you must maintain power when the lights are out just know what its all about dont let them trick you to do anything you wouldnt do and remember, breath cuz air is all that you need your either out or in dont let them win dont hurt yourself again let it all come to you thats all you really can do put your faith in it too 2|CMNT

[Nov. 19th, 2006] im really stressed out right now.. the pressure is making me weak i wanna be beautiful, thin, and sleek someone people admire and adore to see me walk down the street and not ignore me at all. to have someone stare because they like what they see not look away because they pity me to be the girl of everyone's dreams no one can calm my screams im doomed forever stuck in the ugliest weather its cloudy and grey with no colors astray my world is lifeless without his touch oh, how i owe him - hes saved me soo much many times, now and again even when i want to be dead suffering through all these thoughts i have so many flaws will i ever be good enough? pretend happiness is too tough to keep it up anymore. CMNT

what now? [Nov. 17th, 2006] what if I died tonight. would you notice my teary eyes? would you even say goodbye? tell me how you feel right now. does the thought of me make you frown? will we ever be the same? way before the days i fucked up.. before i came here and got stuck. oh its messed me up so bad. i feel like im going mad, insane. its like theres no way to cover this pain. i make mistakes around every corner. im a soldier, ill take any order. CMNT

[Nov. 16th, 2006] i need help. if only you knew half of what i go thru each day. if only you could understand how i feel, this way. in so much pain, i cant complain.. i have to take this, make this into strength. its time to face the facts.. im fat. i need to lose what i have, before I bring things in that will only make it worse. im just cursed with this ugly, this blubber. if only i could skip meals, feel hunger. it makes me sick, i must get rid of it. just make me thin, please. i cant take another tease, another look at all the small, slim girls who took the crown, who caught his eye. who all can say they're prettier than the sky. CMNT

OoLaLa [Jul. 6th, 2006] i havnt had the time to write anything yet.. so heres something from May 20th .. its one of my faves that ive wrote so far this year. if you were to pass me down the street you wouldnt recognize me wouldnt take a second glimpse to remember these lips you've kissed just walk on by without a sound dont even notice my lonely frown but im stronger than you think i can handle this on my own ill stay up late and sleep all alone and maybe.. this is how life should be you with her and then, just me oh, here we go again i kept on thinkin' we'd be something alittle more than just friends alittle less than the end i guess you had it all planned but i still wish we were somethin' yea, yea maybe i miss you yet i can take the pain since i've got nothing else to do but play your little love games and maybe.. this is how life should be you with here and then, just me so if you pass me down the road i hope you know, that i know your still thinking of me.. and when you wrap your arms around her let your, love surround her but your still thinking of me.. your still thinking of me! and maybe... 1|CMNT

Killer [Jul. 5th, 2006] Oh gosh. today was totally cool. compared to what my days have been like lately.. but im not sure why. i mean, i went to drivers ed.. i had to drive today.. and i didnt lose any points! Eric lost 20. so mayb i feel good for doing better than mr. perfect. blahh. but thts kinda pathetic to say. i hate eric tho. i love kyle! but thts all i have to say right now.. [  E D ii T ] heres what i wrote today. i may never be someone to you. but you will always be in my life. and we may never take it to another step. but someday you'll realize.. - i coulda been that one girl in your life. i coulda set your heart on fire. i coulda shown you what its like.. to have all that you desired. - but you had to push me away. always said there'd be another day. i tried so hard to get to you. well, maybe its too good to be true. i cant go through with this. you've got something in you, its driving me crazy, driving me crazy... i just wanted you to feel something for me. - i coulda been that one girl in your life. i coulda set your heart on fire. i coulda shown you what its like.. to have all that you desired. - and i guess its to late, to be telling you how i feel. all i've ever wanted was for my dreams to be real. your just driving me crazy, driving me crazy.. i cant go through with this. your just driving me crazy, driving me crazy.. you've got something in you, its driving me crazy, driving me crazy... i just wanted you to feel something for me. - i coulda been that one girl in your life. i coulda set your heart on fire. i coulda shown you what its like.. to have all that you desired. - is that so hard for you to do? is it too much to ask of you? i might as well give up because my heart has had enough... ..its finished . =] 1|CMNT

So Done [Jul. 4th, 2006] so, i wrote this after i found out what kyle did, and yea.. so if what you said is so true.. then why am i still talking to you? why do i still feel the same love? i guess you know you fucked up. and i hope you know its not gonna be easy, dont just think you can turn around and please me. but what the hell were you thinking then? so much for you being just friends. you dont know how close i am to saying the end. so close to being done and over with. but im pretty sure we can handle this. - its gonna take time. i know we'll turn out fine. im yours and your mine. lets get this off our minds. - weve both done things we regret,. i know we can just forget it. if you love me like you say, you'll put mine in the past. and i know i care about you, and i want this to last. after all we've been through, and how long weve been together. why give up now, we both promised forever. so lets not ruin it now, keep it going somehow. cuz im coming back, no matter what it takes. who really cares, if my heart breaks. i dont think its very good tho..but i put my whole heart into it. CMNT

Sweet 16? [Jul. 4th, 2006] well, my [ sweet 16 ] fuckin sucked. i was miserable all day ; it had to be that day people told me all the bad shit. like my parents finally telling me that i wasnt visiting akron on the 10th. because i guess theres no real "reason" to go visit the people that i love and miss so much. and then, they totally dis my idea of me moving back, or driving out there on my own. that seriously pissed me off, saying that my friends should come out to see me, well if i cant drive out there.. how would they be able to drive out here. stupid. then my "friend" didnt tell me something she totally should of, instead she acted like she didnt even know and was all cheerful and shit. not to mention, the one person i love [ kyle ] the most goes out @430am to "hang out" with HER. then "stuff happened" that he totally regrets. yea, well, even i saw that coming.. what does he think im fuckin stupid? whatever.. oh, and i still havnt gotten my digi C. ill keep you updated on that. CMNT

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